If you're reading this, I'm 30. How do I know this? Well because this is a scheduled post for 7 am, Friday, June 15 2012. I was born (quickly) at 1:15 am on June 15, 1982. I emphasize the quickly because it is my belief that my quick birth directly correlates with the lack of patience that I have in my adult life.
But that's not what I came here to talk about.
I came here to process through the concept of turning 30. Is it devastating? No. Scary? Not really. Exciting? Eh. Strange? Abso-freaking-lutely.
I never really had a this is what i'll be doing when I'm 30 plan. While I obsess over daily schedules and small details, I haven't spent much time planning out the huge decisions in my life. I just kind of make them randomly.
So, why is 30 so strange? I'm not sure. But what I am sure of is that it's caused some pretty serious processing in this little brain of mine.
I'd started writing a post called "30 for 30" for my birthday. It was going to be a list of the things I'd accomplished / been through / realized in my 30 years. But it felt odd. A strange combination of showy and boring. I couldn't get it quite right.
Turns out, it's not about what I've done, it's that I'm not done.
I'm so young. There's so much life left for me. God willing and the creek don't rise, of course.
It's not that I'm not proud of myself. I'm extremely proud of myself. I'm proud of my successes, my failures, my insight and my lessons.
I've been blessed in so many ways. I have a husband that I adore, a family that loves me unconditionally, friends that continue to amaze me, a career, my health, and a good amount of peace. There have been highs, lows, lows that turned out to be highs and highs that turned out to be lows.
The cool thing is, you never know what's around the next corner.
I, at times, find myself anxiously waiting and wondering what's next. Will I have babies? Will I be able to go back to nursing school? Will I be healthy? Will my family be OK? What's next? What's out there? Eeeeek.
My prayer is that I will be confident in the fact that I have always been taken care of. I have always landed on my feet, albeit sometimes bruised and a little shook up. I pray that I will focus not on what's next or what was, but what is now. I pray that I will remember that I am not control; that God has in store for me much greater things than I could have dreamed up for myself. It's that simple, really.
So there you go. I'm 30. Huh. Strange.
1 day ago