7/23/12

Meet Big Browne

I'm a renter.   I love being a renter.  Tell me  how impractical it is all you want; I L-O-V-E the fact that the massive leak under my house and the broken A/C this summer were not my problem. 

There are drawbacks, though.  Like not being able to do much about the skank-a-lank carpet and not being able to have a pet. 

The pet part, it kills me.  It doesn't kill me as much as it kills Brandon though.  That kid wants a dog in the worst way.  He gets this need met by doing a fair amount of dog sitting.  Frida comes over from time to time and Gringo was here some before he passed (may he rest). 

Well. Lately there has been a new canine visitor at our house.  

I'll start from the begining.  Brandon and I have pretty different sleep patterns.  He is a night owl while I  function obnoxiously well in the morning.  He's up late, I'm asleep early.  It was on one of his late nights that he met a new, curious fixture in our lives.  

Friends, meet Big Browne. 
I have no idea what he is, where he came from or who he belongs to.  I only know that he wanders over at about the same time everynight, ready for some A/C and a slice of deli ham. I've only been around Big Browne (yes, with an "e") twice.  The first time occured without my knowledge.  Brandon had let him in the house (yes, this creature not only comes over but also comes in) and then LOST HIM.  Just as he feared, he found BB in our bedroom, just kind of  hanging out...or preparing to eat me, whichever plot twist you prefer.

Can we talk about the size of the heart attack I would have had if I woke up, face to face with something that resembled a mix between a mastiff and a wolf?  

I was awake for my first real encounter.  I heard Brandon bounding through the house, saying "Come here boy!  Come meet Laura Merril!"  I shot up in bed with a strange mix of terror and excitement.  Then he just peaked his head around the corner, all like "Hey.  I like your house.  Thanks for the ham." His head was the size of a large watermelon, his feet resembled dinner plates.

That was it, Big Browne had my heart. 

We have a few theories as to what his story is.  I think that since it's gotten so hot, he's under a shade tree at his house during the day and on the prowl at night, looking for action.  Brandon thinks that he uses us for the ham, water and occasional A/C.  I'm sure it's a little bit of both. 

He comes in the night and leaves soon after.  He doesn't have tags but seems to be healthy.  He's stinky so he's (I hope) an outside dog.  He doesn't, fingers crossed, appear to have the rabies. 
Please note that his back is about even with the hood of my mid-sized sedan.  And that's the big mixing bowl of a set of three. 

So what does this mean?  I guess it means that we need to get a dog and stop trying to steal someone elses. 

But oh, how I love to rent. 

3 comments:

  1. Hahah! I laughed out loud several times while reading this. I love your blog so much!

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  2. i'm slowly trying to break emile down, but he maintains our cat would kill anything we brought in. pets are good for the soul!

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  3. DYING! But are you sure that's a dog and not a horse?!?! At any rate, dogs are by far my favorite people and a house isn't a home without one.

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